Mess Test:
Smear peanut butter on
the sofa
and curtains. Place a fish stick behind
the couch and leave it there all summer.
Toy Test:
Obtain a 55 gallon box of
Lego's (you may substitute roofing tacks if
you wish). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a
blindfold and take off shoes. Try to walk to the bathroom or
kitchen.
Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.
Grocery Store Test:
Borrow one or two small
animals
(goats are best) and take them with you as you
shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or
damage.
Dressing Test:
Obtain one large,
unhappy, live
octopus. Stuff into a small net bag
making sure that all the arms stay inside.
Feeding Test:
Obtain a large plastic
milk
jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the
ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert
spoonfuls of
soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an
airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
Night Test:
Prepare by obtaining a
small
cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand.
Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm, begin to waltz and hum
with the
bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for
10:00pm. Get
up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard.
Make up
about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00am. Set alarm for
5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5
years. Look
cheerful.
Ingenuity Test:
Take an egg carton. Using
a
pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into
an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an
attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of
foil.
Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa
Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
Automobile Test:
Forget the BMW and buy a
station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put
it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a
dime. Stick it into
the CD player. Take a family-size package of chocolate chip
cookies.
Mash them into the back seat. Run a rake along both side of the
car.
There, perfect!
Physical Test: (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag
chair
and attach it to the front of your clothes.
Leave it there for 9 months. Then remove the beans. And try
not to
notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for
a
while.
Physical Test: (Men)
Go to the nearest drug
store.
Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the
clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food
store. Go to the
head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to
the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it
quietly for the
last time.
Contributed
by
Carol
Mastro-Covington
