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After
every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a
"gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document
their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets
before the next flight.
Never
let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots, marked with
a P, and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers, marked with
an S.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a
200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to
stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief
search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly
right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a
hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
P:
Left
inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S:
Almost replaced left inside main
tire.
P:
Test flight OK, except auto-land
very rough.
S:
Auto-land not installed on this
aircraft.
Copyright
© 2006, Jace Carlton. All International Rights Reserved.
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