Aussies:  Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits:  Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans:  Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians:  Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies:  Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians:  Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans:  Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits:  Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Americans:  Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians:  Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits:  Pay a tax just so they can watch 4 channels.
Aussies:  Export all their lousy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans:  Love to watch sports on the idiot box.
Brits:  Love to watch sports in stadiums so they can fight with other fans.
Canadians & Aussies:  Prefer to actually engage in sports rather than watch them.

Americans:  Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.
Brits:  Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.
Canadians:  Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies:  Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they played them in.

Americans:  Spell words differently, but still call it "English."
Brits:  Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English."
Canadians:  Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies:   Add "G'day", "mate," and a heavy accent to everything they say.

Brits:  Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Aussies:  Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans:  Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians:  Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.

Brits:  Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens.
Americans:  Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present citizens.
Canadians:  Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once Canadian.
Aussies:  Wallow on about how some of their past citizens were once outlaw Pommies, but none of that matters after several beers.

Americans:  Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians:  Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits:  Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
Aussies:  Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

Canadians:  Encourage immigrants to keep their old ways and avoid assimilation.
Americans:  Encourage immigrants to assimilate quickly and dump their old ways.
Brits:  Encourage immigrants to go to Canada or America.

Canadians:  Endure bitterly cold winters and are proud of it.
Brits:  Endure oppressively wet and dreary winters and are proud of it.
Americans:  Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less.
Aussies:  Don't understand what inclement weather means.

Aussies:  Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious.
Canadians:  Have produced many great comedians, like John Candy, Martin Short, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV.
Americans:  Think that these people are American!
Brits:  Have produced many great comedians, but Americans ignore them because they don't understand subtle humor.

Copyright © 2006, Jace Carlton.  All International Rights Reserved.